I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
