why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
