I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
