Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
