Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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