Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
