Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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