And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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