We're facebook friends in real life
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
