I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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