so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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