I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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