I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
