What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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