SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
