I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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