I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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