He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
