it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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