It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
