we made out on top of his cat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
