Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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