ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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