Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
