that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
