What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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