Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
