Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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