i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
