That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
