I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He did a backflip because drugs
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