I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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