I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
