mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
