I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
