If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
