I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
