I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
