I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
