So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
