I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
