Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
