Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
