i can't believe i had my finger in that
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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