I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
