it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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