Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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