How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
