I cockslap morals
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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