standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
