so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I sprained my soul last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
