Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
