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If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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