you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
