K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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