ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
