I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
