4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
