he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
