It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
